Someone has asked me, how do I keep my wife happy?
Well, you should keep her love tank full, by speaking her love language. According to psychologists, “the need to feel loved is a most basic fundamental need”. As famous Persian poet said, “through love thorns become roses”. Our love tank needs to be filled regularly. This is the burning desire of every human being. Those who know how to fill it, have a happy and healthy relationship. Those who do not suffer.
It is very important to speak the love language of your partner. The way people perceive love differs. Some husbands or wives may crave focused attention; another needs regular praise. Gifts are highly important to one spouse, while another sees fixing a leaky faucet, ironing a shirt, or cooking a meal as filling their “love tank.” Some partners might find physical touch makes them feel valued: holding hands, giving back rubs, and sexual contact.
You can buy regular gifts for your wife and assume that she will feel loved. But what if she feels loved and valued by words of affirmation which she never hears.
Therefore, to make our partners feel valued and loved, we should understand their love language. Dr Gary Chapman marriage counsellor for more than 30 years has identified five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.
1. Words of Affirmation – Encourage, affirm, appreciate, empathise, listen actively. Encourage your partner so they achieve their goals. Compliment them on what they do for you. As Mark Twain noted, “some people live for two months on a good compliment”. Do not take it for granted. Say kind words. Soft answers turn away anger. Do not fight fire with fire. Be soft when they are angry.
2. Quality time – giving undivided attention. Focused eye contact, sharing experience, thoughts, feelings, desires in an amicable uninterrupted context. Uninterrupted and focused conversation. One-on-one time is essential.
3. Reviving Gifts – giving gifts is a sign that we think about them. Thoughtfulness, make your partner a priority. Give thoughtful gifts and gestures. Small things matter in a big way. Express your gratitude when receiving gifts.
4. Acts of service – do things for your partner that they like you do. This way you seek to please her by serving her to express love for her doing things for her. Make them breakfast and cook. Helping with chores will ease the burden of responsibility. Make requests, not demands.
5. Physical touch – non-verbal use body language and touch to emphasise love.
How do you discover the love language of your wife?
Observe how your wife often expresses love to others. If she regularly doing acts of service to others, this might be her love language. If she consistently, verbally affirming people, then words of affirmation is her love language. When you go on a business trip and come back. And your wife says you didn’t bring me anything? This is an indication that gifts is her love language. When she says we do not spend time together, this indicates the quality time.